This weekend, I finally broke.
Since January my mind has been living in the fictional world I’ve created. Only I’m no JK Rowling and this isn’t fucking Hogwarts. My main character is a psychotic, coke-addicted politician. The world is nasty and violent, and while there are flashes of light here and there (if only to accentuate the darkness), it’s starting to get to me.
Most weekday mornings since I started this whole debacle, I have rolled out of bed at 6am, jumped in the shower and then spent an hour in immersed in this horrible world. I have sat at my Mac with an espresso (yeah, coffee, I know) and an almond milk and berry and banana smoothie (healthy, deal with it). During my morning commute, I feel happy that I’ve achieved something, but also kind of depraved. Still, sometimes Moorgate station rivals my world for sheer ugliness. I’m surrounded by this shit. #London
At around 6pm, I get home and spend two more hours at it.
On the weekend, after some scrambled eggs and a cup of green tea, I’ll start working at about 9am. Depending on what my social calendar allows (friends and family often get in the way of fiction), I’ll spend anywhere between three and six hours writing during those two days.
I guess you could say I’m a creature of habit.
But last Saturday, I just couldn’t go there anymore. I needed a holiday.
Of course, guilt soon caught up with me and I forced myself back (not kicking or screaming, but whimpering slightly). I wrote 200 words of crap and then gave up.
‘The hardest thing to edit is a blank page,’ they say. But actually, if you’ve written a page and it’s not terrible, the worst thing you can do is try to edit it when you don’t have all your faculties about you.
Writing is butchery; editing is surgery.
See? That’s about the standard in evocative metaphors my brain can churn out right now.
But this blog was started to log the joys and the pitfalls of writing. Without the troughs there would be no peaks.
You can read all the self-help, motivational blogs and books you like, but sometimes you just need a goddam rest.
So I’m giving myself the week off. I’ll blog if the fancy takes me, but that’s all.
See you when I wake up.